February 13, 2014

I don’t know where I’ll sleep tonight or wake up tomorrow. I couldn’t even attempt to guess where I’ll be in a month. Life is uncertain and scary (sometimes). I just used “frozen yogurt” body wash and that’s really, really funny.

I’ve got six or seven hours to drive today. I’ve got more friends than I can count. There are a lotta people out there that love me and a lot of people that I’ve got warm, fuzzy feelings for that (I think) approximate (or
maybe even are) that same kind of love.

Hey, Jacksonville – if I’ve been sayin’ I’ll hit you up when I get back, that day’s right around the corner. I been gone so long but I’m coming “home” and it’ll be at least two weeks before I bail “for good” and move on to whatever’s waiting for me outside of Florida.

Check me out – talkin’ like I’ve got a clue! Making a “plan!” As if things have ever worked out as I thought they would.

Here’s what I do know: (1) I’ve got so many stories, dark/light, beautiful/fucked up, egocentric, and otherwise from this last month or so that I’m really excited to get back to writing (publicly) real soon. (2) I got a bunch of new art to compliment and round up all my stories. (3) Some of this shit’s gonna make people feel weird, some is gonna make me uncomfortable, but I’m committed to being honest about what I’ve recently been up to, experienced, and how I’ve felt about it. (4) Chris Hembrough is the best friend I could ask for and I wish I could take him with me. Spillane too (OBVIOUSLY) but I’ve gotten to connect with Hemmy in such an outstanding, positive way this last month.

Yesterday, there was a tragedy. I’m not gonna get into it just yet but I wanna say this: we didn’t need a tragedy for me to be writing this way. It’s been on my mind for two weeks already and while there were some beautiful moments in the aftermath of the accident, there were plenty more, long before anything went wrong and even in between the time of the crash and the time it came to light. So as fucked up as it strikes me to describe it as at all “natural” or “good,” it felt very much like a natural extension of everything that’s been happening. And I think it was good for both of us, at least insofar as the roles that it lead us into. It also prolonged my stay in the area for one extra day. Now that I’m off, we’ve both got our own adventures and trials ahead of us. I’m pretty confident that we’ll both be kicking the shit out of them.

Death and loss feel surreal sometimes, we can feel the pain of the people we love almost as intensely as our own. I’m not sure what I’m getting at so I’m gonna stop until I can take the time to process and write about everything that’s been 2014 so far, in a less stream-of-consciousness kinda way…

We live on quite a planet. Let’s celebrate.


“Don’t know if I can keep up but I try god dammit.”

Here’s the drum head I made for Rational Anthem. Adapted from my painting, “Autobiography.” (It’ll also be featured on all of their summer merch and their new record cover; more on that later though).

20140213-121717.jpg

Still Geekin’

February 10, 2014

Life is scary. I’m sticking around ’cause I have an appointment to sell a painting on Wednesday. In the meantime, I feel static. How am I supposed to be spending my time? Why is this suddenly a question?

I had a meeting at a gallery today. I got some cards printed. I painted for four hours. I sold a print. I got paid for merch design I did over the weekend. But I feel unproductive because I’m not “moving forward.” What does that even mean?

—–

I finished this drawing last month; it’s on a page torn out of my Narcotics Anonymous text.

"Still Geekin'." 1/11/13. Ink. 5¼x5¼".
“Still Geekin’.” 1/11/14. Ink. 5¼x5¼”.

February 7, 2014

I just ran into this girl. At the tax collector’s office.

Life is surreal.

When we hugged goodbye, I asked, “Is it okay that I sort of don’t want to let you go?”

New year, new plan

February 4, 2014

So much for new content every day… January was insane – in ways both good and bad. And things still haven’t slowed down so I’m not quite ready to get back into the swing of regular updates. This whole “artist” thing is becoming more of a full-time job, my personal life’s been incredibly chaotic, and that doesn’t add up to much free time for me to play storyteller / blogger…

Here are the bullet points:

  • I broke up with my girlfriend.
  • I bought a van.
  • I’m going to spend 2014 traveling to different cities, meeting with gallery owners, and trying to schedule shows all over the US (or at least the east cost).
  • When I’ve got a show somewhere, I’ll stay in that city; when I don’t have a show, I’ll be on the road trying to line some up.
  • Right now, I’ve got galleries in mind in St. Pete, Sarasota, and Jacksonville. As it gets warmer, I’ll make my way further north.
  • Last week, I finished my largest painting yet and delivered it to a gallery in Delray Beach. The painting is called “Modern Art is Stupid; EVERYTHING IS.” (I neglected to actually get a photograph of it before I left town but it’s PRETTY SPECTACULAR). The gallery is called Ettra and is located at 149 NE 2nd Ave. The main room is about to be reconfigured to include it but, in the meantime, it’s hanging in the back so you can go check it out either way.

That about covers it… The other pieces I did this month were exclusively small ink drawings in line with other stuff I’ve done while traveling. (I can’t even tell you how many cities I’ve been to these last few weeks (though that traveling was all just personal stuff)). I’ve also journaled a lot this month but – given the circumstances – it’s not the kind of material I’m ready to put out into the world yet because I don’t want to be too inconsiderate of anyone else’s feelings. I’ve also had a veritable shit ton of wacky adventures but that stuff’s all a little delicate too so… I’m gonna hold off ’til we’re a little ways down the road.

I’ll post some of my new artwork soon and try to get back into the habit of keeping the site updated but things are still hectic logistically so… sit tight.

2014’s gonna be rad as fuck. Let’s go.

1/25/14

January 25, 2014

I’m dictating this post to Siri because I’m driving more hours than I can count today, so forgive any typos or anything that doesn’t make any sense.

Life is erratic and unpredictable.

Or maybe I’m just erratic and unpredictable.

Either way things are in flux but I’m doing okay. I don’t feel like I’m crumbling and, driving right now on this particular four hour stretch, I can’t help but just laugh and be totally in love with punk rock.

First it was “Heterosexual Lion” by Vacation, then it was “Barren” by The Credentials.

Does it get any better than this?

I wonder how many hours it’ll be until I’m contemplating suicide again…

Who cares? I’m not going anywhere

The Most Efficient Path to Loneliness

January 22, 2014

"The Most Efficient Path to Loneliness." 1/22/13. Ink. 7¼x9½".
“The Most Efficient Path to Loneliness.” 1/22/13. Ink. 7¼x9½”.

I’m still outta town. Mechanical problems are slowing me down. Not sure when I’ll have them resolved. I still plan on hitting the other coast of Florida before heading back to Jacksonville but I don’t yet know when that will be. I had wanted to get to St Louis this weekend as well (to see The Transgressions reunion set at Stay Retarded). Doesn’t look like that’s within the realm of possibility anymore. Had told Ben I’d plug that set on here… not sure that this counts. Sorry, buddy. I know I’m a little late…

Before I left Jacksonville I was THISCLOSE to being done with my latest (and largest to date) painting. I’m kind of bummed that I’ve now been away from it for so long. I really wish it had been completed before I got on the road.

In the meantime, I’ve been working on other pieces. I finished one that was started more than a month ago. Another that began on the 4th. I even made some progress on a third that I had lost track of in November. Those will all go online soon enough (I really hate posting from the road on my phone and without the ability to get decent photographs or scans).

In the meantime, here’s a new one that I started on the 19th, while sitting out by the bay, late at night. I finished it just now, which seems sort of appropriate. It’s hard to explain (or maybe I just don’t want to). The feelings I’m feeling, the circumstances of that night and this one. I’m kind of dancing around my own insecurity. I think I got honest when I was scribbling but it’s hard to know sometimes. This whole week has been a strange experience and it’s only looking to get stranger in the coming days. There have been plenty of solid healthy (non-manic) emotional highs, absolutely no bottom-of-the-barrel-“time to kill myself” lows; there’s been good judgment, questionable judgment, self-improvement, honest reflection, self-delusion, avoidance; basically, I got the whole fucking gamut covered.

I wrote some shit “in between the lines” of my drawing. It touches on some of the above but it was pretty stream-of-consciousness and it’s way more representative of the moment tonight than it is of my trip as a whole (up to this point). It says…

Watch me fly. If you wanted to see me but didn’t, it’s your fault. Word has it that I’ve become a pretty great guy but might be completely sociopathic. I’m so full of hurt and evil. I try to do the right things. With mixed results.

I hurt a lot so I hurt a lot. It’s ’cause I hurt a lot. I hurt a lot. I hurt a lot.

I’m so melodramatic. I’m fucking fine (I think). Why do I wanna be this tragic fucking figure? Celebrity. Icon. Shining shooting fucking star. I’m so in love with myself. I’m so disgusted with myself. I’m ashamed. I’m a shame. I’m a joke. I’m okay. I’m everything I don’t wanna be. I’m living out my dream. I’m losing track of everything. This is how it’s supposed to be.

I’m never satisfied. I’m filled with pride. I’m lost. I might be home. This isn’t home. I might be home. I have no home. I’m cool with that. I’m done with this drawing. I think it’s done with me.

VomitbloodDUItexts

January 21, 2014

vomit_bloodThis is a shirt.

 

dui-textThis is me thinking I’m really funny.

 

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