POOR FOREVER
November 20, 2025
“Do you wanna be POOR FOREVER?” is what I ask my friends when they spend money frivolously. It’s also the question that rings out in my head whenever I’m considering spending money on ANYTHING.
My attitudes about money come from my dad, his dad, and my mom. There were the ways they talked about money and the ways I saw them use it.
My dad was POOR FOREVER. Or at least he acted like he was. Based on my inheritance [his clothing] I’m gonna assume that he probably was. He certainly never spent money on me or my siblings. And if any of us were to ever ask for something, it was QUITE THE ORDEAL. Because, as he told it, he just didn’t have it!If it was important enough, maybe he could ask my grandpa.
But he also had some curiously expensive shit. And he traveled a lot. Maybe that was all paid for by his second wife. I don’t know.
My mom had FAMILY MONEY. She was very good at spending it. So far as I know, that’s why she no longer has anyfamily money.
In any case, I don’t have a safety net. Not that I’m aware of anyway.
My grandpa died recently. He worked his whole life and made a good living but still kinda behaved as if he were afraid of being poor forever. That’s how I’m trying to be. That’s how you accrue SAVINGS. And “savings” give you safety.
My grandpa wrote a bunch of different wills over the course of the last twenty years but I don’t know the details of his estate and I kinda feel like it’s none of my business anyway. Even if he didn’t provide for me directly, I’m pretty sure he provided for my dad and (SEEING AS MY DAD’S DEAD) maybe some of that’s supposed to trickle to me. But I don’t know and I’ll probably never look into it, so I just focus on trying to take care of myself.
Don’t get me wrong – I WOULD LIKE SOME MONEY. (PLEASE GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY). Not to spend – just to have. Because I kinda live in a perpetual, low-level state of financial anxiety. And it would be super nice to know that I’m not gonna die in poverty.
None of this is to say though that I’m even in poverty now. As I wrote into the top left of this painting: “I realized today that I have more money than I’ve ever had.” And – since then – that number has continued to TREND UP. My bank account wouldn’t blow anyone’s mind, but it’s more than most of my friends or family have.
My concern is that my overhead is very low. If I were living A NORMAL LIFE, I would not be able to tuck this much cash away.
And if I can be a FUCKING FAGGOT for a second, I think I still wanna have a FOREVER PARTNER and a kid. And those things require money.
[Please excuse my use of the word “faggot” but — as we all know — there’s nothing gayer than falling in love with a girl].
There are other journals scattered about the painting. I allude to officiating my grandpa’s funeral in place of a rabbi (despite my not having grown up Jewish (or anything)). I refer to the statement I wrote on my blog (AND ON INSTAGRAM) right when he died. I joke about making excuses for not becoming the MOST SUCCESSFUL ARTIST TO EVER LIVE.
The gist is that money isn’t important but a sense of security is. We all wanna feel safe. We all wanna be able to take care of the people we love (EVEN IF THEY DON’T EXIST YET (and possibly never will)).
Some people think my art is HILARIOUS – and THEY’RE RIGHT – but a lot of them don’t look closely enough to see that that’s not all that it is. I’m trying to be taken more seriously as an artist (for the $ame reason$ that thi$ piece i$ all about)but, at the risk of undercutting that, I’ll just say that this painting (like much of my art) is an attempt to find humor in the shit that freaks me the fuck out.
If that’s not the language of a SERIOUS ARTIST…
Then I just might be POOR FOREVER.
I painted POOR FOREVER between 8/31/2025 and 10/12/2025, but then went back and did more work on it in May 2026. I wrote this statement on November 17th, 2025.
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Hey Sammy! As a 43yo, cis, white, homosexual man, I do have a hard time with the word “faggot” to this day. However, as an alcoholic and addict myself, for some reason I find comfort in your use of it in it’s context. I am divorced from a man that had young adult kids, and a grandson. Something I never thought, as a gay man, I would have; a “real” family. That loss has taught me that I have a beautiful “real” family in the people that I allow close to me, as well as most other addicts in recovery. The people that have lived the same or similar experiences, and/or don’t care about my past, regardless, are my “real” family. Your email, and your art, inspired me to share that, at least with you. Thank you. I have the small piece I purchased from you at a market posted on the front of my fridge “Blow bubbles for fun, not strangers for drug money.” I absolutely love it, and it is actually a reminder for me everyday now that I too do not “want to be poor forever” something that I have struggled with throughout my addiction, and even in my recovery now(2.5 years) I still struggle with. So, thank you for being you! As a homosexual, I say green light for your use in your email. There will be some that find it offensive, and rightfully so, butt fuck ‘em, and stay focused on your positive vibes you spread with the people that are your “real” family! I hope to see you again in the near future, Sammy! Good vibes back at ya!
Thanks so much for your feedback, Chris! Very nice to hear that, in context, it was not only not upsetting but comforting.
Just a heads up: the “email” you referred to is just one of the ways my blog entries get published, so any replies (like yours) appear as comments on that entry (on the website). If you want your message to just be private, let me know and I can delete it.
Thanks again for the thoughtful response and I too hope we cross paths again soon!