What We Do

My painting, Don’t Let Anyone Tell You You Can’t Kill Yourself, You TOTALLY Can, is a guide to overcoming suicidal ideation by changing your circumstances. It was born of my own experience and, like much of my work, is a whole lot of vulnerability and sincerity hiding behind the protective shield of its mischievous title (which, in this case, is a joke about grammar).

I’ve heard from lots of people who struggle with mental health, about how much they love it or how its inspired them.

At Mount Gretna, I heard more of that PLUS ANOTHER KINDA REACTION. One of the [art] show’s volunteers quit over it. Later as a woman looked over my work, smiling and commenting on the pieces she liked most, her husband lingered outside the front of the booth. When she moved on to the next artist, this guy stayed in that same spot until…

“You should kill yourself,” he said.

“Why would I do that?” I asked with a smirk, not yet realizing how serious he was.

“Because it would be funny to me,” he said, deadpan. “I’d even pay to make it happen. I’ll donate to your funeral if you kill yourself.”

How do you even respond to that? Doesn’t matter. He turned and disappeared into the crowd as soon as the words were outta his mouth.

I’m tempted to make excuses for him. Maybe he lost someone he loves to suicide. Though he didn’t even bother to try to understand my painting – which should be a fucking prerequisite before you get pissed off at art. Doesn’t matter. Here’s what does:

WE ARE WHAT WE DO.

The kind of person you think you are? Fuckin’ meaningless. The things you’ve been through? They don’t excuse shit.

YOU ARE YOUR ACTIONS.

This is something I remind myself of all the time. ‘Cuz it got beat into me real early that I was born bad. 

But I’m not bad, unless I do bad. So I’m regularly asking myself, “What’d you do today, Sam?”

Pretty much the same thing I do most days. I shared my very personal art and writing with the world. Whatever humor or insight I have, I shared with people who FOR THE MOST PART loved and appreciated it. I made a few people cry, dozens laugh, and hundreds smile. And I painted – as I sang along to punk rock and had conversations with people who told me they were inspired. That I was a light. I got a lot of thank yous, handshakes, and hugs.

I have a positive impact. And THOUGH I CAN BE BRASH, I’m kind (or at least try to be) to everyone. That’s what I did on Sunday.

This guy, on the other hand, I’m guessing he thinks he’s a good person. And MAYBE HE IS –  I don’t know what else he did that day. But I do know that he told someone who – at least historically – would best be described as an emotionally unstable mental case – he cold told that person: kill yourself.

I’m doing pretty well these days. I can brush it off. Was I rattled? More than I’d like to admit. But I’ll be alright. 

I’m not gonna kill myself. I’m gonna continue waking up every day, trying to be the best person I can, by making the best choices I can.

We’re what we do.

Do good today.

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I’m SO SAD to report that three of my five most recent paintings (including this one) are already sold. But if you’d like to find out which paintings are still available, you can always shoot me a message. Buy prints in my webstore or come see me in person.

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