hurt feelings – Sam North

“Stupid Kids with Stupid Dreams” 6/27/20. Acrylic paint. 24×24″.

A close friend of mine moved very far away, to an area where he and his band felt they’d be more successful. He met a girl, they started dating. I’ve never met her, but she hit me up one day and commissioned me to paint something that she could give to him as a gift. This is what I came up with. The text on it says:

Trying to make it in/as a pop punk band in 2019, as an artist at any time, or even just trying to forge a REAL, EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING (okay, I’m only half-joking about that last one) – it wouldn’t be unfair to say that you’d have to be pretty dumb to (1) believe that any of these were even potentially worthwhile endeavors or (2) to shape your life toward the achievement of such a goal. After all…

Q: What’re the odds that any of these things could possibly pan out at all, let alone in any lasting, long-term sense?

A: NOT GOOD.

But here we are, at it all the same. IT’S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO WORK OUT. There may well come a day when we’re forced to accept that it’s just not gonna happen for us. A day when we have to give up, scrap the dream, and just move on. And you know what? That’s okay. ‘Cause – in the meantime – here we are: taking aim, firing shots, and doing the shit we love. We deal with rejection, frustration, doubt, and more. But we also have fun. We get the highs and the lows. We’ve had more wild experiences and adventures than most people will ever even read about. And our shit’s real and it’s ours. We did it. Whatever happens, we’ve ALREADY WON. You can put that shit on my tombstone ‘cause, even if I die tonight, I’ll know I made it count.

Postscript

A few weeks after starting this painting (and just as I was finishing up), I got a call from my friend. He’d broken up with the girlfriend. He didn’t know about the painting yet so I didn’t mention it. I sent her a text and asked her what she wanted to do. She didn’t ask for the money back, she was just ready to move on. She didn’t really care what I did with the painting.

Very quickly, my friend regretted leaving her. When he tried to get her back, she wasn’t interested. (They’d been through this before). So now, he was the one who was “heartbroken.”

When it became clear they weren’t going to get back together, I figured it was safe to tell him about the painting. When he came to visit, I showed it to him. He teared up when he read it. But he didn’t want it. He said it would remind him of her and that was too painful.

CAN’T IT REMIND YOU OF YOUR FRIEND SAM INSTEAD? Your friend Sam whose art you love so much that your girlfriend knew to commission a painting from him?

Nope.

Whatever.

I’LL SELL IT AND GET PAID FOR IT TWICE.

“Stupid Kids With Stupid Dreams” 12×12-inch art print
$95.00 Add to cart

This is one of the few paintings I made during a short flash of clean time in the midst of my extended relapse. It was one of the seven pieces that went into my feature at the Ringling Museum of Art in 2025.

“Common Denominator.” 8/12/24. Acrylic paint and pigment ink. 8×10″.

We all know people who refuse to take responsibility for their problems. Anything wrong is always someone else’s fault. I don’t think I’m guilty of this, but a recent set of incidents gave me cause to reflect.

Two spats with friends but, in both cases, I was confident I’d done nothing wrong. When CONFLICT #3 happened though, I knew I needed to examine my part in it. After all, I’m the COMMON DENOMINATOR. It must be my fault, right?

And, generally speaking – usually – I think that’s true. If a person is repeatedly having the same issue with different people, it’d be pretty unbelievable if they weren’t responsible for those issues. So I set my hurt feelings and anger aside for a moment and went back over everything that had happened. But I couldn’t get there. I genuinely didn’t believe that my actions were the root cause of the problem. “Y’know what the real common denominator is here?” I thought to myself, “It’s that these people are immature, insecure fucking diaper babies, incapable of having a conversation about their feelings and actually working through (something that shouldn’t even be) a problem.”

That felt pretty shallow though (TRUE AS IT MAY BE) – to be placing the blame in that way. It also wasn’t lost on me that if my friends suck, that definitely says something about me as much as it does them.

It’s long been a point of pride that I have so many, decades-long friendships. I felt it spoke to my character that I maintained so many relationships for so long. But there’s a reason that’s uncommon. Human beings aren’t really capable of maintaining deep, meaningful relationships with too many people. We’re lucky if we can manage as much with our family, a partner, and maybe a friend or two. No matter what Facebook tells you, no one has hundreds or even a dozen friends. What we actually have is friendly acquaintances. People we have affection for but aren’t consistently, intimately involved with. We might be there for one another when needed, but until those moments happen, we’re just hanging out. It’s not very deep.

My problem was that I’d confused acquaintances for friends. We’ve been on good terms for decades but we don’t really know each other. We’re not committed to one another’s well-being in any serious way. I’d presumed an understanding of one another, thought we had shared values, and expected them to behave consistently with those values. I treated these people as I would treat actual friends and made the mistake of expecting that they would do the same. That’s on me.

Real friendships aren’t unlike marriages; they’re tested by conflict and are only as meaningful as their commitment to finding solutions. If someone doesn’t care enough to resolve a problem (or doesn’t have the emotional maturity to) that makes for a weak relationship and not much of a friendship.

Friendly acquaintances can be fun, rewarding, and even ultimately become real friendships. But unless one does, I need to keep it in the proper perspective and not be emotionally invested in something shallow. I’m grateful for the meaningful relationships I do have – which are more than enough to occupy my attention and energy.

Hey, YOU! I count on your support! The original “Common Denominator” painting has already been sold but limited-edition 8×10” prints are available for purchase. As always, each one is beautifully-packaged, hand-numbered, and personally signed by YOURS TRULY. Buy one and help KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE.

If you haven’t yet read my SALACIOUS prose poem from a week or so ago (OR EVEN IF YOU HAVE), because it wasn’t already embarrassing enough, I made it into a video. And because THAT’s not embarrassing enough, I specifically made it into a TIK TOK video. Go watch it. And follow me on there. My understanding is that that’s where all the KIDS AND MONEY are these days, so I need to build a FOLLOWING.

https://www.tiktok.com/@sammythrashlife/video/7416041826924170542

April 2025 update: I borrowed this painting from its owner so that I could feature it in MY EXHIBIT AT THE RINGLING MUSEUM OF ART. If you’re reading this anytime between April and July 2025, you can go see it at the museum in person!